Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
my poor anus
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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