i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize