my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
