Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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