True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We talked him into tasing himself.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
