her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
pray to the hookup gods
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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