Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You took a bar mat shot.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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