The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
