I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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