Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
