And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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