I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
