i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
