I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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