apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
