Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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