meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I had to cum in my sink.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
