I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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