He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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