Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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