You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
