Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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