I will die if light touches me.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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