i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
