I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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