so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
