she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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