i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
