man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
