You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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