The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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