i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
