his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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