He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
