omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
