I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
