I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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