I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
