wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
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He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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