Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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