Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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