my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
