you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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