Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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