I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There's always time for handjobs
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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