Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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