Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
