Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
