we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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