He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
