i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
