when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
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