He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
