My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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