Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream