My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!