You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
