I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
