he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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