I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
