i just had sex bonerless
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
