is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
worst night to have a conscience
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
