we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
