she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
