i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
