"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
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I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
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Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My feet surprised me
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